Well the deadline— the final, final, final deadline has come and gone…..

Well done to all those screenwriters who like to create a sense of jeopardy by leaving it all to the last minute. There’s no excitement in getting these things in early is there? We are here for the drama, after all.

I imagine it went something like this: Midnight is looming on deadline day… 5 minutes to go.

You are on your seventh cup of coffee— your script is almost done. You are just missing that one killer line of dialogue— when Eureka, out of nowhere comes divinity— a moment of pure genius. You are inspired, “Frankly my dear I don’t give a damn” levels of brilliance. You must have been possessed momentarily by the spirit of Ben Hecht. You smile smugly; the prize is surely in the bag.

You hit your keyboard— and No, it starts to reboot!! Suddenly. Noooo, why now? (It’s because IT executives are watching our every move and like to play with us mortals like they are ancient Greek Gods— but that’s a topic for another day.)

So you wait and wait. The sound of your clock in the corner starts to tick loudly. Tick, tick, tick— which is unusual as it is an electronic alarm and makes no noise.

You wait patiently, 2 minutes to midnight. You punch in your password— no, incorrect. Come on. Stay calm. Type slowly: “P-a-s-s-w-o-r-d-1-2-3”.

There is no need to panic. You are in. Click, click, click. No problem. There is still time….

Nooooooo, a knock at the door. At this time? Just ignore it, ignore it. Knock, knock, knock. Louder and louder. The walls actually reverberate. You can’t ignore it. The neighbours will go mad. And you don’t want another row with Clive. You’re not quite over the last argument over the bins. And your wife may wake up— and then there will be real trouble.

Quick: run downstairs, skillfully avoiding the children’s toys strewn across the stairs. It’s an Amazon parcel… for next door. Really? The modern gig economy really runs 24–7. Cripes, ok you agree. Yes you will take it for Albert from Number 2.

Back up the stairs— dexterously avoiding the children’s toys for the second time— like a middle-aged Lionel Messi.

Sit down. Check the clock. It has changed again. It ticks louder than ever, but now it is counting down… 100, 99, 98…

You save your script. PDF. You start to submit. Payment, payment? You look for your wallet. Oh no it is downstairs…

97, 96…

You run downstairs— again. The toys— you channel your inner Nureyev. You grab your wallet. Back up those stairs. It’s good for your step count.

Check the clock 78, 77… is that a bomb attached to your clock? That’s not normal.

Click, click, click, attach… punch in your credit card number. Push, push, push. Submit… success…

Noooo, multi-factor authentication!? And your phone is downstairs too… ok, panic now. It’s legitimately fine for you to now feel dread.

Down those stairs… Toy train: think Fred Astaire. Dodged it. Grab phone… where is the message? Oh come on, no signal… reception is better up those stairs.

One last push: channel your inner Ethan Hunt. Doo, doo, doo, doo-doo…Almost at the top of the stairs… And then crash, that toy car on the final stair catches you and you fall fall fall… ouch, really ouch.

You crawl up the stairs…

11, 10, 9, 8…

Still no six digit code from the credit card company. Come on, where is the code…?

7, 6…

… it’s there, punch it. Punch it.

5, 4, 3, 2…

Success. Well done. You are there… congratulations. You have submitted your script. Just in time, Now all there is to do no is wait… and probably tidy up the stairs.

The final jeopardy scene is of course a staple of the movie business. And when it is done well, it can be exhilarating. Goldfinger remains the gold standard for me. Not only is the suspense built up wonderfully, there is a clever moment of character insight delivered through the action: when Bond gets puts under extreme pressure his solution to the ticking bomb is physical violence— brawn, not brain; and there is the fabulous joke— the clock stops ticking not at 007. A fun visual gag, that perfectly disperses the tension of the last few minutes. It’s great screen-writing.

There are so many great “ticking bomb” scenes across cinema. It is a fabulous cliche that continues to re-invented and interpreted to make us laugh or keep us thrilled.

Happy #WW #WritersWednesday. Just cut the red wire.